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Chargeman Ken: The best, most awful thing!

7/24/2017

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Chargeman Ken is a 1974 short anime series that ran for 65, seven minute episodes. The series is available LEGALLY for FREE via Crunchyroll.

Chargeman Ken just might be the best, most awful thing in anime. And I mean that in a nice way.

The 65 episode series is so unashamedly awful that it has redefined internet memes decades after it's final airing. And yet, it's the awfulness of the entire visual package that makes it a must see. From it's shoddy, rushed animation, to it's blatant design stealing of Speed Racer and Johnny Quest, it's lack of sound effects and it's absentee plots, the show is actually so bad, it's fantastic.

Rating this anime was a chore. While I doubt that anybody watching this will ever consider a majority of it's episodes to be "imitative behavior" the sudden shock value violence that randomly appears disqualifies it from the Tween rating I almost gave it. It's astounding to think that this qualified as "children's entertainment" in 1974 when you consider how many episodes feature death and cruelty just out of the blue.

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Here, seven year old Caron decides that she's had just about enough of Ken's shit for this childhood.
Chargeman Ken follows the story of a ten year old little boy, who lives in the distant and highly robotic year of 2074. Everyone has flying cars, everyone has at least one annoying robot sidekick, and Ken randomly transforms into a magical boy.

Where did he get his powers from? Why does he have them? This is never explained. Ever.

Ken has a deadly laser gun, has his own flying car, and two of the most negligent parents in all of anime. His mother and father let him out at all hours of the day and night, and do not seem to care at all that their ten year old is fighting an entire race of aliens by himself, and often, past curfew. They watch him frequently get himself into life and death situations, yet stand still and offer him no form of support.

Accompanying Ken is his six-then-seven year old little sister Caron, who wears far too much makeup, a dress that qualifies as just a long shirt, old lady beads and often, a pair of shoes the animators frequently forget to finish drawing. Since Ken's parents are unbelievably useless, it's up to Ken to raise his sister, though being a little boy still, he sometimes teases her. They are joined by a robot named Barican, who is equally as worthless as Ken's parents, only very, very vocal.

Ken's main enemies come from the Juralian race, led by a demonic alien who can't seem to plan ahead. No explanation is given for these people - or most of the plot for that matter, so let's just say they're here for world domination. Sound good? Cool.

Since every other human Ken meets is really one of these aliens in disguise, Ken finds himself having just moments to scream "CHARGING GO!!" the transformation phrase that turns him into Chargeman Ken... where he does a slow backflip and gets himself a new helmet and a belt. Seriously. That's it. Even when not transformed, he is usually wearing three quarters of his own costume ALL THE TIME unless he is sleeping. It's like if Clark Kent were to walk around with the entire Superman costume, and then scream "This looks like a job for Superman" and just add the cape. 

Once transformed, Ken engages the aliens in a short batter, before either shooting them outright, or firing a laser from his plane. Even in the final episode, where the army is called in to help, Ken is relegated to just two or three blasts and *poof* the day is saved.

The only consistent weaknesses he has would be darkness and a sore throat. Without the combination of light and his screaming "CHARGEMAN GO!!" he cannot transform into Chargeman Ken. This again, is never explained. Much like the existence of a children's toy line for this series, it just plain "is".

Chargeman Ken is rife with animation errors, cel slips and some of the most sporadic violence of any anime of it's kind, and yet all of it's flaws makes this show a guilty pleasure. You just haven't lived until you've binged this short anime.
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SiN: The Movie: It would be a sin to watch.

4/13/2017

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Sin: The Movie is a 2000 OVA from defunct companies ADV and Phoenix Entertainment. (The Japanese studio, not the also defunct Canadian studio.) The film lasts 57 minutes and is loosely based on a 1998 first person shooter of the same title released on PC, Linux and MAC computers. The game was re-released in 2006 on Steam. The film is currently available on Crunchyroll for FREE users.

This film is so awful, even it's own animators didn't want to claim it on their IMDB page.
 
I will give this film credit, it's a little more racially diverse than most anime films. But that's really it's only good point.

If you actually remember the FPS from 1998 or from randomly finding it on Steam, prepare to be angry, as this film just barely tried to keep up with the simplistic story of it's source material.

If you're just browsing the anime section, the link saying "read more" is your only warning that I am going to spoil this film. Click/scroll at your own risk, but to be fair, you are about to thank me. I'm giving you back 57 minutes of your life.


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Death Note: LIGHT at the end of the tunnel

4/3/2017

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Death Note is currently available on Netflix, Hulu, Yahoo View and on Viz/Neon Alley. The 2006 anime lasted for 37 episodes at around 22-24 minutes per show. Yahoo and Viz offer the show for free to anyone able to watch via computer or laptop.

Considering the (justified) brouhaha surrounding the upcoming live action film, I decided to take a weekend to binge on Death Note and see what all the fuss was about. 

Before we begin, a few (pun not intended) notes about this article.

First of all, this will only be about the anime by itself.

Second, after seeing the show, the outrage over the race changing of the entire cast is highly justified. And no, I'm not going to entertain your last minute "excuse" that race changing is "okay" because of the Korean Death Note drama. The characters all have Japanese names. Excusing Misa's blonde hair (it's dyed) all of the characters have Japanese features, so you can just save it. We're mad. We have the right to be. Deal with it. So done with White Facebook crybabies trying to force us all to accept Whitewashing and other race changes just because they're not adult enough to accept the fact that it's wrong and those of us not White are correct in being angry. Learn to like it, guys. We're right. This is wrong.

And third, if you do not want to be spoiled, stop reading right here. I'm being serious here. In order for me to capture my raw thoughts on this TV anime, some spoilers will have to be leaked. 

So now that I'm climbing down from my soapbox, it's time to dive into the story of Death Note.

The series follows Light Yagami, a spoiled, wealthy kid who has everything handed to him. The only thing not being handed to him are his studies, and I will admit, he actually is honestly good with academics.

He's also bored.

HOW?? Your parents buy you everything. You're in a great district with plenty to do, and for some reason, you have plenty of friends. Why are you bored?

One day, he comes across a Death Note, which is a black notebook in which if you write someone's name in it, they die. There are a few, tiny rules around using it, such as you can't go to Heaven or Hell when you die, if you're going to pick a death, it has to be realistic, (no unicorn stabbings) and a few little pesky things, but nothing too serious. If you can write at a kindergartner's level, you can murder with the Death Note. Fairly simple.

Well in using the book, Light finds himself being trailed by it's original owner, a Shinigami (death god) named Ryuk, who lets him know that when it is Light's time to die, he will write Light's name into his own book. The reason why his Death Note was dropped in the world of the living?

Ryuk is bored too. Oh. Nice.

Initially, Light uses the book idealistically. He only kills criminals and people who are generally awful. He does things in secret, expecting to one day gain accolades for recreating the world in his image as a teenage God. But as the series moves forward, a few non-evil people find their way to the book too, and it isn't long before his descent into madness is made clear. The police, the FBI and several other governmental agencies start to link together the murders, and refer to Light in the news as "Kira" since nobody can figure out his identity.

​Death Note has a variety of characters with interlinking stories that all lead up to Light's story, and it isn't possible to watch the show without secretly cheering for at least one of them.

The Shinigami Ryuk and Rem have my sympathy right from the start. Ryuk never actually does anything bad. He has an addiction to apples for crying out loud. And Rem acts as a surrogate mother to Misa (I'm getting to her) and bases her actions on her protection. This ultimately leads to her downfall, which is just heartbreaking to watch.

Misa will appeal to you if you like Harley Quinn. A bouncy idol with a tragic life, she initially becomes obsessed with "Kira" after he unwittingly kills the man who murdered her family in a botched robbery. Once she finds out Kira is Light, she falls head over heels for him in a one-sided romance that endures through several mind wipes. Light does not love her back. He instead chooses to use her, and long after she moves in with him, he is still entertaining other women, further illustrating what an asshat Light is. Misa is used mostly because she can access the Shinigami eyes, at the cost of half her life span, which she pays twice, just for him.

L only lives for little more than half of the series, but his legacy endures for the entire span of the show. A detective fresh out of college, he comes across as a creepy, feral child. Constantly sleep deprived and hunched over, his biggest drawback is that he sometimes second guesses Light, which leads to his downfall. He is succeeded by equally creepy and childish Near, and flat out insane Mello, neither of whom quite match L's essence.

The mystery element is alive and well, as each episode, it looks like Light will be caught, only for the angsty little bastard to escape. By episode 14, you're already convinced that Light is the scum of the Earth, you stop trying to see things his way, and you're just hoping someone will do him in. Every few episodes, it seems pretty clear his identity has been given away, only for Light to find a way to dance around the issue and have the police write him off. There's a little bit of humor sprinkled through to break up the seriousness of the segments, keeping the writing fresh even during times where it feels like the same subject is being re-tread over and over.

The series end is looked at differently by people. Light's end is by far one of the most childish exits I've seen in anime, but just a little more dignified than his manga demise. Some say it's perfect, considering what an asshat he was, while others say it could have used more pizzazz. The final episode has the right people making a difference against him (I'm not referring to Near) and justice is served, but it's a promise that you won't see it coming.

Death Note was an interesting ride, and I can see why it's fans want to protect the story. The epilogue is heartbreaking during the credits, but this is a show that ties up all of the loose ends and doesn't leave to many characters in the dust. If you only saw the Cartoon Network version, you owe it to yourself to catch the original on the above streaming platforms.

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Onigiri: The short that comes up short

5/20/2016

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Onigiri currently airs on The Anime Network for paid subscribers. Each episode is roughly 3-4 minutes long and the first season is set to last 13 episodes. It's based on the video game of the same title. Three OVA episodes are available legally for FREE on the official Onigiri YouTube Channel.

*Sigh* What happened here?

Back in January, I wrote about Onigiri, the free video game that took PS4 users by storm. The video game has you create a fighter and then travel through a fantasy world, killing demons known as Kamigui, while also helping to save and then cultivate a strong fighter in Princess Shizuka.

While I praised the game for it's gender neutral, gender friendly storytelling and options, I did share with you all it's racy, anime commercials, which you can watch here. The commercials puzzle me, because while the video game does have sensual content, the girls are portrayed as independent, strong women (minus Shizuka at first) and the game treats men and women equally. There are even LBGTQ friendly options for the players and the focus is more on the combat rather than fanservice. But the ads feature overtly sexualized, sometimes nude women, in less heroic situations.

What I did not know at the time, was that the ads, which run at 2-3 minutes a piece, were actually free episodes of the new Onigiri anime, which had not been announced at the time they went live to YouTube. So with that being said, when I read the announcement that Onigiri was getting it's own, full fledged series, I was surprised. Ignoring the sexualized OVA, I went right to The Anime Network with the intent to binge watch the first seven episodes.

... And.... eh?

Don;t misunderstand me. This is not a bad show. In fact, there's a lot of good things about it.

For starters, the opening theme is done by STARMARIE. It's an energetic dance track that's also soothing on the ears. I highly recommend giving "Hime wa Rankiryu☆Goikkou-sama" a listen.

Also, the animation is fluid. There are no shortcuts made, no stock footage, just everything you could ask for in an anime. As a bonus, the colors and drawings actually match the video game art, something often overlooked when translating a game to the TV screen.

But as for accuracy? It's not here.

​If you saw the OVA on YouTube, then you already know this show has no desire to follow the video game. Select elements appear, and certainly some of the game's characters, but it doesn't follow the path of the game at all.

Instead, we are treated to 3 minute episodes where the girls all act stupid.

It's a comedy, and I get that. But where it's based on a more serious video game, it's problematic. Princess Shizuka is the only character that retains around 95% of her in-game progression, while the other characters bumble about the screen, getting drunk, acting selfish and doing everything except going after the Kamigui. In fact, their lack of battle is a running gag on the show, where at the end of each episode, the narrator reminds the audience that this is supposed to be an adventure show about fighting the Kamigui.

As for the guys? They're accessories. 

For a video game that was as gender friendly as Onigiri is, it amazes me just how sexist the anime is. Yeah, the girls are overtly sexualized, but at least they have personalities and dialogue. The men are basically paper dolls and a sword. In fact, outside of the narrator and maybe two background characters, NONE of the men have voice actors! This also becomes a running gag, where when they speak, all we get is a Final Fantasy style text box, and the girls just nod their heads and react. It's a clever joke, but it also sends the idea that men are toys.

That being said however, the anime is self-aware. 

It's like the show knows it's not living up to the video game, and it's just trying to do the best it can in the short amount of time allotted. Each episode takes place in it's own story. 

Some episodes will poke fun at the game. For example, you'll see two of the girls fighting demons, and then suddenly, the screen turns black, and a voice overhead says "You were caught cheating/using an illegal move, you are banned for three days" poking fun at the game's community rules. Other times, a character will earn exp points or they might "die" on camera only to re-spawn a second later with half of their money.

If you haven't played the video game, Onigiri might give you a few chuckles. But if you have played the game, you'll find yourself wondering what might have been.


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Akikan: The Unclean Soda

4/15/2016

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Akikan is currently available on The Anime Network LEGALLY for FREE and on Hulu Plus with a paid subscription. The 2009 anime was first released in the United States in 2012. There are 12 episodes and one OVA special.

As everyone knows, I am a HUGE Vocaloid fan. My favorite is Vocaloid 2's Miku Hatsune. So when i heard there was an anime on two of my Roku apps that features her voice in the ending credits for an episode or two, I just had to check it out for myself.

Well... I wasn't lied to. Miku "sings" the ending theme song in episode twelve, and even has a character re-named "Miku" in her honor. That's pretty cool, since this show came out in 2009, only two years after Miku debuted and right at the start of her underground popularity. 

Unfortunately, in order to get a quick listen to my favorite Vocaloid, I had to sit through one of the most uncomfortable shows possible.

Akikan follows the strange life of a 16 year old boy named Kakeru. (Voiced by Jun Akiyama, who is Koro Sensei in Assassination Classroom!!) kakeru lives alone, raises himself, and is severely unhappy with his life. One day, the self-proclaimed virgin (who bears a striking resemblance to Digimon's Taichi) buys a can of melon soda from a vending machine.

But after taking a sip after a hot shower, the can turns into a beautiful girl, who appears in Kakeru's first kiss.

How does he approach the new girl in his apartment? By trying to rape her of course! Wait, what the fuck??

She replies by hitting him with an energy blast, which she will do every few minutes for the rest of the series. 

But before we can even figure out how a soda can just became a pretty girl, in walks Hidehiko, a government agent and complete and total stranger in his 40's or 50's. He breaks into Kakeru's house looking for the soda-girl, only to find Kakeru and decide to rape him. Wait, what the fuck am I watching??

And that's pretty much how the rest of the series goes. High School and Junior High School kids find these mysterious "Akikans" non-alcoholic, soft drink beverages that when opened, kiss you and turn into human girls with super powers. All of them are known as "juice drinks" (Juice in Japan doesn't have to mean fruit juice, it can be soda or any other alcohol-free drink in a can) and each one creates a romantic, but often violent bond with their "owners". The show is basically about sex-slavery in a can. The Akikans call their owners "master" and then the underage owner decides whether or not that relationship will grow beyond the boundaries of slave to master.

Unless you're Kakeru. In which case, you have an Akikan that hates you, but can't live without you. And your human girlfriend-but-not-but-kind-of-but-not joins your Akikan in hating you and beating the pulp out of you, but also wants your affections. This is psychotic.

The show comes to a head with Mixed Juice, who tries to absorb all of the Akikans inside of her own body, to become an evil yet dull drink. This is the one that is later named after Miku Hatsune. Why? I have no idea. Her owner is a house cat for some reason.

Mixed in with the fowl taste of these teen angst antics are unbelievable amounts of nudity and molestation. I can't understand HOW this got a TV-14 rating, when most of the content is rape. Not one legal age, consensual segment in the whole damn show. NONE!! But also no direction and a plot that just falls flat with a cliche ending. Even the OVA is slopping over with an unreasonable amount of grotesque imagery. Don;t even get me started on the relationship between Budoko and Misaki, which in the OVA becomes (I'm gonna puke typing this) Loli rape in one of the bath segments.

Akikan starts off as an interesting concept, but quickly turns into a fiasco. This is one beverage you'll want to pass on.
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Indian Summer ~ It's almost a Hentai.

1/23/2016

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Indian Summer currently airs on Hulu and The Anime Network. Hulu requires a Hulu+ subscription for viewing. Anime Network requires it's own subscription if you are watching via Roku, but if you are watching via PC, MAC or Laptop, you will need a Hulu+ login, as the website siphons the stream from Hulu. ADV released the original DVD seen left of this text back in 2009, but Sentai Filmworks is releasing a new HD print February 2016. As of 01/23/2016, both releases are slightly under $20 on Amazon. It's a three episode OVA, with each episode running close to 25 minutes in length.

Indian Summer wanted to be a hentai. It really did, honest! It just tried it's very best to become a hentai. At least, that's the impression I got from watching this OVA.

Based off of a seven volume manga series by Ecchi artist Takehito Mizuki, who is also known for drawing the series "Otomari Honey", Indian Summer is supposed to be a comedy of errors.

Indian summer is named for 19th century, racially insensitive slang used to describe hot summers in areas of the United States mostly inhabited by Native Americans, which is weird, considering that there is nothing racially insensitive about this OVA. In fact, summer itself is barely mentioned, and the title only pops up before the final-ever credits.

The story begins with Takaya Murase, a young man who lives alone and is a perverted otaku. He collects anime figures and has a thing for maids. He's also gifted at sewing and cooking, and works part-time at Cafe Cowbeya, a maid cafe that serves coffee.

In the first episode, we see him shopping for a robot at MaidWorks, a company that specializes in human-like robot maid girls with fully functional A.I. While he is dazzled by the hotness of all the robot women, he is most captivated by a robot, who unconsciously grabs him by the shirt while she is lying on the floor. He instantly buys her, and has her shipped to his home.

The new robot is Yui, a busty, temperamental blonde in pigtails, who is at first disgusted by Takaya's fetishes. She demonstrates this by throwing away his figurine collection and scolding him for being perverted, which not only fails to curb Takaya's natural naughty side, but also backfires on her in the second episode. Yui at first comes across as annoying and self-righteous, but as we follow the story, we see she's actually your classic "tsundere", running hot and cold.

During the three episode run, Takaya and Yui end up dealing with more busty females, such as Minori, the daughter of Cafe Cowbeya's owner, who has a slight crush on Takaya, and wants to become a mother someday, Kuon, a moody and elegant robot who is desperate to find a master to call her own, and finally Sakuya, a bubbly, pink-haired robot, created from the figurines Yui tossed in the trash, whose soul was created from the love (and lust) Takaya showed his collection before meeting Yui. They also are routinely greeted by the store manager for MaidWorks, who becomes a good friend to Yui and Kuon. 

The cast also includes a few out of place characters, such as Kanae, a temperamental young mother with a larger set than Minori, Ayumi, daughter of Kanae, who is an out of place child who appears in a few disturbing scenes, an then the flat-chested Miko sisters; Sumire and Ran, who usually show up as villains.

Amid the oddness is a light story of boy meets robot. Yui at first rebukes Takaya, but ends up falling in love with him, so much so that in the last episode, when it seems she might have lost him to a human, it causes her to short out into a coma. She tries to tell Takaya how she feels, not realizing that she really doesn't need to "win" his heart, because from the first episode onward, she already has it. This is a little sweet to watch, as Takaya tells her straight up that he loves her and needs her, and she just can't understand it. Sure it's sprinkled with Takaya's naughty nature as he keeps making risque costumes for Yui, but when you watch their segments from episodes 2 and 3, you get the impression that in a less-sexual setting, this would be a cute romance story.

... Unfortunately, to get to those short, sweet moments, you have to sift through the weird and uncomfortable.

For starters, Minori is the constant target of the Miko sisters, who (in a running gag) keep conjuring a giant octopus monster to abuse her with tentacles.

Ayumi's existence is out of place and creepy, especially in episode two, where she escalates from unnecessary kid character, to sexually harassing tsundere. She contributes to one of two PedoBear segments in the series, being preceded by a disgusting half-episode, involving Yui babysitting a half-dressed baby boy. The less said the better, as this was tasteless and excessively creepy.

The series is supposed to parody hentai and ecchi anime, so it goes without saying that it's very heavy on fanservice, but you will be spending a good bit of time just fast-forwarding just to keep up with the story.

​Indian Summer exists mostly to those wanting fanservice. If you don't mind skipping ahead, it has it's sweet side, but the visuals for the non-adult scenes might be off-putting for most.

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Papillon Rose: The anime made by a troll?

12/12/2015

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Papillon Rose currently airs on Hulu and The Anime Network. Despite internet rumor, the series is only seven episodes long, including the OVA. All seven run 25 minutes. It's available for free viewers on both sites, but you have to confirm your age to watch it. Subscribers do not have to confirm age on Hulu. On Anime Network's Roku app, the episodes run commercial-free.

This is going to be a LONG story. I highly advise you to stop here, go to the bathroom, wash your hands, and then grab a snack and something to drink. We have a long journey ahead of us, and I highly stress that you grab something caffeinated. Trust me, you'll need it.

I just want to point out too that the following review features fowl language and extremely ADULT content.

If you are under age 18, SCRAM!! Go away!! Flee. I don;t care how "mature" you think you are, or what your mommy and daddy told you, or even how "cool" your friends think you are, if you are not yet 18, you are a kid and therefore I want you OFF my page. You can come back to me when you're old enough to vote.

And if you're a parent allowing your kid onto this review, shame on you!! It's an adult show, with an adult review, written by an adult. Have some decency, people!!

​And to be up front, I'd like to thank the owners of the Papillon Rose Wikia, who went above and beyond to preserve just about all of the story content for the meta-series after the websites went dark. All of the Rose images come from them. The Sailor Moon pictures below are from my own collection.

Papillon Rose is the strange story of what happens when an internet hoax becomes reality.

​So once upon a time, it was the 1990's. We had internet trolls, hoaxers, hackers and cyberstalkers, we just didn't have these cute names for them. We just called them "assholes" and grouped them all under the same umbrella.

We also had plenty of Otaku to spare, and it was pretty much a given that if you were going to make a website based on (let's say) a fanfic or an idea, you would make it clear "This is a fan-made story, it is not based on ANYTHING real, there is NO season for ____________ G, it's just a fanfic." and people would understand. If you didn't make it clear that this was not a work of your imagination, we had the right to call you an asshole, and let other people know not to buy your fake VHS tapes off of eBay. And this was a good system.

And then one day, an internet troll working under the alias "Shinji Tobita" came along and changed the rules.

Shinji Tobita's pen name is derived from Tobita Shinchi, the biggest brothel district in Japan, so that ought to paint a picture of where this article is going. He's also used the pen name "Ai Hanazono" which loosely translated means something akin to "Flower Garden of Love".

Tobita started his rule-changing career by making up a website, devoted to "Papillon Rose" which was an entirely made-up anime. He took a few pictures from Sailor Moon, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Wedding Peach and Cutie Honey, and PhotoShopped them to look like original characters from this imaginary anime. He then went on to create several concept stories, complete with episode synopsis, and made it look like this was a full-fledged anime with multiple seasons, a manga and a movie. To enhance the hoax further, he enlisted fans as voice actresses, and had them provide sound clips to the imaginary characters. He even went so far as to venture to Comiket and hand out merchandise and manga books for the "upcoming" project. Anybody who ventured to the website would get en eyeful of sexually changed "jokes", artwork and stories from the fake episodes, which were all ripped off from Sailor Moon.

And then the damnedest thing happened. Papillon Rose went from being an internet hoax... to a REAL LIFE OVA?!?!

Somehow, some way, after fooling people for several years, Tobita got together a few people from the equally fictitious-turned-real studio "Pink Company" and found a real anime company "ECHIGOYA" to produce one 24 minute OVA in 2003 titled "Lingerie Soldier Papillon Rose". It initially debuted on VHS at Comiket, and the VHS copy was later ported to DVD and then made air on Japanese television. The band Kuri-Zill performed the music for the anime. Shortly before production began however, Tobita had to make some emergency changes to the artwork, as he was still blatently PhotoShopping pictures from Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon R and Sailor Moon S, with one lone shot from SuperS and Sailor StarS. I'll let you view the evidence:

The character "Ranma" would later be named "RaMa" in some prints of the DVD, due to the fact that she's named after Ranma 1/2. She also had to undergo a complete transformation, because let's face facts here, IT'S FUCKING LUNA!!! 
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I shouldn't have to say this, but Toei Animation and Naoko Takeuchi were not said to have been 100% thrilled about the old designs, though they did get the joke.

And yes, the cat does have a condom on the tail. And that serves as your warning for the rest of the series.

So going forward, we have the OVA, starring the main character Tsubomi, a (tell me if you've heard this before) clumsy crybaby who is terrible in school. Tsubomi however has a heart of gold, and wants to do right by her friends.

Tsubomi is a lingerie model in her last year of high school, so thankfully, she's over 18. Considering the show's background, that was just about as high as I let my expectations get, and rightfully so. Aside from being a lingerie model, she also works at a maid cafe, which we don't see much of until later. In the OVA, it's a pub with the implications of it also being a strip club.

One day, while running late from school to get to work, she bumps into a mysterious young man named Hikaru...... who takes her to a love hotel and has sex with her, in an animation segment that drifts between lazy animation and a drug-induced dream sequence. In having sex with her, he awakens her long hidden superpowers. He then leaves a weapon for her inside her uterus (Okay, WTF??) and then leaves her passed out on the bed. As the story goes on, she ends up finding Rama, a bitchy Siamese talking cat, who informs her that those new powers are her hidden identity as Papillon Rose. She is awakened in time to fight Sister Biene, a Kaolinite clone who is trying to steal the sexual energy of everyone in Japan, beginning with all of the world's men, because she despises them. 

I can't even begin to explain the fight sequence here. To summarize, Rose's "wand" is a giant *AHEM* "intimate massager" (you know what it is and where it goes) , which Hikaru left inside her uterus. No, I'm not going to point out everything medically WRONG with this scene, or I'll be here all day. Rose however can't use it right away, because Sister Biene is whipping her as hard as humanly possible. Hikaru, who actually doesn't have any powers of his own, appears in cosplay as "Dandy Lion" to aid Rose. How is it he implanted a magic wand into Rose, but has no powers of his own? Easy. Lazy writing. So anyway, he appears in costume to rape Sister Biene, which offers enough distraction for Rose to use her attack to kill Biene. Biene's death of course angers her boss Regina, who is a rip-off of Queen Beryl.

I apologize for the writing here. You must understand I was typing this out while gritting my teeth at the sloppy, lazy animation. Imagine view-master stills that your kid sister traced over, and you'll have an idea of what to expect.

Now after an OVA this awful, bordering on Hentai, you would think this would have ended the series once and for all. And if you thought that, shame on you. How dare you be a decent individual? OF COURSE a full fledged series was to follow..... sort of.

Between 2003 and 2005, Tobita returned to his habit of PhotoShopping pictures from Sailor Moon into Papillon Rose "episode clips" for his now defunct websites, again trying to fool people into believing that there was a movie and at least two seasons for Rose and her flock. Books were produced for Comiket only, showing episode "recaps" and even merchandise for Tsubomi and her future daughter Kotsubomi, who was modeled after Sailor Moon's first daughter Chibiusa, but named after Sailor Moon's manga-only second child Kousagi. (Ko- as a prefix means "little" in Japanese.) Each new story had the Tenchi Muyo effect, in which the characters remain the same, but the universes change. 
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For each story, Papillon Rose, and her "Senshi" (Yes, the word was used) Papillon Lily, Papillon Margarette, Papillon Dahlia, and Papillon Cosmos, each had to endure rape, drugs and rampant sexual acts, in order to discover newer and better superpowers. Dandy Lion would either be killed off or go mad in each universe, and was a serial rapist otaku, who becomes one of several love interests for Rose.

LOVE INTEREST??? I'm sorry, did we all just miss that last part? Dandy Lion is a serial RAPIST and even though he sexually assaults Rose, but she's willing to welcome him as a boyfriend??? Ah how about NO!! In what universe is this even acceptable??

​You know what, to counter this crass idiocy, let me share with you all the link to RAINN which is fighting to combat sexual assault around the world. If you know someone going through what Tsubomi has with Dandy Lion, share the link and get them some help. Feel like making a donation? Their t-shirts are cheaper than store-bought and the bracelets are only $3.

Now if you had read some of these dirty stories from either the lost Comiket books or the website, you wouldn't believe for an instant that anybody would have ever granted this fool a TV run. And you would be wrong.

TVQ Kyushu, a subsidiary of TV Tokyo, offered to air a trial run of Papillon Rose episodes. But since this was a full-fledged network, some things had to be changed.

For starters, the drug references had to be dropped. Much of the sexual themes had to be dropped, but the costumes could remain the same as in the Comiket books and websites. (Thongs man, so appropriate.) The language had to be cleaned up, and Rama could no longer have a condom on her tail. To meet the compromise, Rama's tail now has a yellow bow on the end, the villains were replaced with easier to deal with enemies, Kotsubomi and Papillon Cosmos were dropped and Dandy Lion was killed off and replaced with his twin brother, Hibiki, a toned down ninja who fights under the name Torakage.

Another change involves Tsubomi's day-job after school. The pub/strip club was demolished in a "pre episode memory" and replaced with a maid cafe, which doesn't help when you consider that at maid cafes, the waitresses have to call every man "master" and behave like a slave to him. There's no sexual content in these scenes, but the whole "slave" thing just isn't a good enough replacement for the strip-pub. Ironically enough, mentions of Tsubomi being a lingerie model are left alone, so TVQ has basically decided that it's okay for a high school girl to model lingerie and save the world while wearing a thong, as long as she's off the pole. *clap, clap, clap* way to go, glad to see we can pick and choose our perversion. I'm just happy she's 18 or 19 by this point.

Papillon Rose's main TV show only lasted six episodes. Since it was made clear this was only to be a trial, the series wraps up the new story by the credit roll of episode six. They must have figured out early that there wouldn't be enough charity from TVQ to garner a second season.

The main TV show is set sometime after the end of Papillon Rose R and G, the two imaginary series that remains website clip only. In flashback scenes that are traced over Sailor Moon sequences, we find out that Dandy Lion was killed protecting Rose, and Rose's teammates have all had their memories wiped of the last year. So after regaining her own memories, Tsubomi sets out with Rama to convince Lily and Margarette of their past as superheroes. But while dealing with that, a new enemy arrives, fusing adorable, innocent, baby monsters, with random objects, in order to make them deadly enemies.


As if the weak script, sloppy ecchi toss-ins and lazy tracings weren't enough to infuriate you, there's episode two, (three on Hulu) where Tsubomi has to fight against "Babagappa", which was made from a baby Kappa, fused with the final energy of legendary wrestler Giant Baba. The Kappa-Dead-Wrestler hybrid is shown to be stupid, clumsy, and is very abusive towards the girls, more than the average baddie-of-the-day, and that's where I threw in the towel on this show.

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Giant Baba was a saintly and charitable wrestler, who helped to found a wonderful company in All Japan Pro Wrestling and passed away from cancer when Papillon Rose was still doing Comiket and website hoaxes, and to see Papillon Rose degrade his memory to that of a joke villain is nothing short of sickening. This crossed the line of satire and went straight to tasteless. Sure, Papillon Rose is based off of shock value, but this went way too far. It was beyond tasteless and damn right dishonorable.

But then again, maybe being dishonorable is exactly what the animators of Papillon Rose wanted all along? If that's the case, then they succeeded. In fact, the show has left such a bad taste in peoples' mouths that both Hulu and Anime Network did not even care enough about the show to run it in order! On Hulu, the OVA correctly runs before the later six episodes, but all seven shorts have their titles mixed up, while Anime Network airs the OVA last. You know you screwed up when even the streaming services can't help you.

Papillon Rose attempts to bring shock-value humor to the magical girl genre, but fails to bring in laughs or even decent action. The writing is sloppy, and smacks of a desperate clown trying to write and masturbate at the same time. It's purely shameless, right down to the point where it almost seems like getting angry at it is giving it too much credit.

It doesn't just try to poke fun of magical girl Shōjo anime as much as it runs right out into traffic, screaming "LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME!! I can draw Sailor Moon with a mouse and add sex to it!! Aren't I funny? I sure showed THEM, didn't I?? LOOK!! I EXPOSED them and drew sex on top, worship me!!" and it behaves exactly like the internet troll that wrote it. 

My best advice is to treat Papillon Rose exactly as you would an internet troll. AVOID IT. Do not give this show your energy. If you find this or it's creators on Facebook, hit the block option. Tell your anime friends not to acknowledge this show. There are other anime titles out there, and even better Hentai out there, so don't waste your time on this troll of a show.

In 2014, the series creator posted another website, promising to make another series for it. Do not give him that attention. Just walk away.
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Ani Tore! EX/Anime de Training EX: PedoBear EXERCISES? 

12/7/2015

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Anime De Training currently airs on Crunchyroll with new episodes airing Mondays at 1:40pm EST until December 28th. Episode run-time is sporadic, with each episode running between two and seven minutes.

Anime De Training, known in Japan as Ani Tore! EX, had a concept that on paper doesn't sound too bad. Each week, this first-person anime invites you into the home or gym of an aspiring young idol, as she teaches you basic exercises.

And if it wasn't animated by a team of lazy PedoBears, it wouldn't have been a bad show.

The show exists on a weird plane. It is educational. The exercises the girls teach you actually do work. I can thank the show for helping me drop a few vanity pounds thanks in part to the lessons. When compared to your basic, beginner's workout tape, it stacks up just fine, and even offers common-sense logic for avoiding injury.

.... But the drawings are just creepy and sick.

Now as of this writing, there are no episodes with the girls wearing less than beachwear, but that's hardly an argument when you consider that the camera goes right up their pants.

And then there's the sound effects. None of the girls (ages 10-14) can just count to ten. Of course not. Instead they have to struggle through the numbers like this:

Girl: Okay, ready? Here we go! One.... two.... three.... four.... five OW it's getting hard now.... six... seeeeveeeeennnn, eeeeight, almost there!! Niiiine, TEN AHH!!! *pant pant* wow... that was hard work...

At NO point EVER should I EVER hear a kid that young make THOSE kind of sounds!!! EVER!!

Making these scenes even worse are random shots of the girls trying to hold their clothes on, while Chibi versions of themselves tug and grab at their sides. We're also greeted with shots of the girls talking to the viewer less like a workout buddy as the show description would have you believe, and more like the significant other she's snuck into her bedroom while mom is out shopping. The later episodes seem to drive that image home.

A HUGE contention I have also is that the girls are all borderline anorexic, and yet they pressure themselves and each other to get thinner and thinner. Do I have to say what's wrong with this scenario? Or are we all mature enough to figure that out by ourselves? The excuse is that the girls are all training to become entertainment idols, and they understand that singing idols need to maintain a certain "fit" image in order to remain popular, but since the concept of them becoming idols is mentioned so infrequently, it fails to stand up as an excuse at all, and is all but dropped as the show's main focus.

Also disturbing are the girls' clothes. True, we've yet to see nudity, but the fabric they're masquerading as clothing leaves little to the imagination. I understand the girls have to be seen in gym clothes, but with how tight the pants are, and again, the camera angles, the animators have taken normal, everyday wear and made it the stuff of nightmares.

The animation on most episodes is decent enough, but the dance episodes feature sloppy cuts between 2D computer-drawn animation to 3D CGI. If the transitions went more smoothly, or if the CGI was saved for the credits, I doubt it would have been noticeable, but the splicing is so jarring, it's cringe worthy, but it's not like I can expect better from a team of pedophiles.

The show's educational value is just not enough to mask the flaws the writing team has dumped on us. Yes, it's a "short" show under ten minutes, but that's not even an excuse.

Anime De Training is a show created by pedophiles in an effort to make women and young girls feel ashamed for not being under 90 lbs. The semi soft and "cute" drawings are not enough to mask this issue, and it seems highly unlikely a second season will make air. It's creepy and uncomfortable to watch, and leaves sane watchers feeling unclean.

UPDATE: Crunchyroll has the scoop here. Officially, the exercises DO work.... and the only people getting fit by doing the training are male PedoBears on Twitter while showing off their new, scantly dressed bodies. If you think I'm kidding, click here. These guys are hiding their faces for a reason.

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Dragon Half: Half Comedy, Half CUTE!!

12/6/2015

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Dragon Half currently airs on Crunchyroll for Premium Subscribers only. The OVA is only two episodes long, each running less than 30 minutes, and debuted in Japan between March and May of 1993. The anime was originally licensed in the United States by ADV. A reprint of the ADV Dub and Sub is available through Discotek, though both DVD prints are available on Amazon.

I seriously have a hard time believing this is only two episodes long. There is no good excuse for this not to have lasted beyond two episodes, as this is pure comedy gold! Don't let the serious DVD cover fool you, this show will have you in stitches from the start.

The subtitled version is a true delight as it features a who's who of famous actors. For Sailor Moon fans, Mink is voiced by Kotono Mitsuishi, who voiced Sailor Moon and Sailor Chibi Chibi Moon, while Pia is voiced by Taeko Kawata, better known as the R and SuperS voice of Momoko. Lufa is voiced by Mariko Kouda, who played Nayuki in Kanon. Mappy is voiced by Gundam actor Takumi Yamazaki, Dick Saucer is played by ​Yasunori Matsumoto, who plays Gourry in SlayerS, and Ranma 1/2 fans will recognize Vina (Rei Sakuma, better known as Shampoo) and King Siva's (Kenichi Ogata a.k.a. Genma) instantly.

The anime crash-lands us through the backstory in very short segments. Years ago, there was a great swordsman named Rouce the Red Lightning, who was hired by King Siva to kill a red dragon named Mana. But as it turns out, Rouce ran away to marry the dragon, and the story picks back up with Rouce's 15 year old daughter, Mink. Rouce and Mana often have bloody fights in front of Mink, but have a steady relationship otherwise.

Mink is very similar to Usagi Tsukino. She's a crybaby, hungry, adores pop culture, and has her heart set on Dick Saucer, a dragon slaying pop star. Even though Dick is employed by King Siva to kill dragons (starting with her) and has a vendetta against all dragons because he believes a dragon orphaned him as a child, Mink is still head over heals for her favorite idol, and is out to find a potion that will turn her 100% human, in hopes of winning Dick's heart. But Mink does have a few dragon abilities, and is actually the most powerful dragon in the region. She wears a special bracelet to stop her from becoming a more fierce creature.

Mink's #1 rival is Princess Vina, the daughter of King Siva and a now deceased blob, who had temporarily turned herself human in order to marry the king and give birth to Vina. Vina is the president of the Dick Saucer fan club, and is highly jealous of Mina. Not surprisingly, she has designs on Dick, so Mina is a threat to her. Vina has the ability to use powerful spells and alchemy, but can't measure up to Mina.

King Siva is an evil but highly comical king, who has had no problem getting over the death of his wife. He initially wants the Red Dragon Mana killed, but after seeing she's a hot babe, he instead chooses to have Rouse killed so he can marry Mana. But then when he sees that Mana has a daughter, Mink, he sets his sights on her, initially as bride-material, but later as "just kill her" material, after Mink wreaks havoc on his castle.

The first episode shows Mink trying to deal with Vina's tyranny, while the second follows Mink on a tournament. Since the manga has never made it to America before, I'll go ahead and grant you a little spoiler, just highlight the text in the white box below:

SPOILER ALERT
After a while, Vina gives up on Dick, and ends up dating Migu, the older brother of Dug Finn, who is also very childish. Dick eventually puts aside his hatred of dragons, and has a daughter with Mink. Mink's daughter's name is Pink.

Pink is a scantly-clad, rude eight year old girl, concieved when Mink is 17. Pink's friends are the daughters of Pia and Lufa. In the future, Lufa has learned time travel, and uses it while disguised as a creepy shadow, to teach Pink the value of friendship. Mink is still head over heels for Dick, who has softened up and become much more mellow.

END SPOILER
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Dragon Half was cancelled way too early, and deserves another chance. The manga ran in Japan until 1998, and it's an absolute crime it hasn't been reprinted for today's market. It's the most fun you can have in 50 minutes!
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Mutant Turtles: Superman Legend: The Fowl Mouthed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles you WISH you had!

10/11/2015

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Teenage Mutant Turtles: Superman Legend was never officially released in the United States. Clips can be found on YouTube. It was officially licensed by Mirage, owner of all things TMNT.

Do not adjust your monitor. There is nothing wrong with you.

Yes, this is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles anime.

Yes, it's official.

And yes, it's rated for adults, because WOW the language!!

I want you to imagine the original 1987-1996 TMNT cartoon, mixed with Sailor Moon, with R rated language and generic anime bewbs thrown in. That's what you are in for if you can find a copy of this forgotten OVA.

So once upon a time, it was 1996. While the TMNT craze had died down in America, it was still a hot property in Japan, with a new toyline just hitting the market from Takara. With a blessing from Fred Wolf, the man behind the 1987 TMNT cartoon series, TV Tokyo went straight to work producing a two episode OVA for the newest toys, Supermutants and Metal Mutation. The shows were put on VHS tapes, and launched for the Japanese market on May 21st, 1996.

Fred Wolf, Mirage and the original TMNT team, sent over used cels from the original cartoon, which pop up every few frames, amid newer, anime-style updates of everyone's favorite characters.

You can just smell the merchandise through the screen watching the 25 minute episodes, which speed you through a story before you have a chance to grasp what's going on. And fans of the original cartoon may cringe when they see the updated story.

Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo all call each other Leo-chan, Dona-chan, Raph-chan and Mike-chan, which is funny and hard on the ears at the same time. For those who don't know, -chan is usually reserved for  children, young girls and your ultra-whipped boyfriend. Guys usually tack on -kun, which is for male friends. All four are flakey, and require Splinter to tell them their every move.

April has unsettling peach lipstick, a reduced bust-line and harsh, blue eyes. They tried too hard to make her look more American than she does in the old cartoon. But overall, her character is less annoying than her US counterpart, which is helped by the fact that Emi Shinohara voices her. Emi voiced her while wrapping up work as Sailor Jupiter for Sailor Moon Sailor StarS for those who don't know.

Splinter, BeBop and Rocksteady all look exactly as they do in the cartoon, albeit the latter two have more animated gestures. 

Krang for the most part looks normal, but has the worst anime voice I have ever heard. Shrill and screeching, his laugh is like nails on a chalkboard.

Shredder is the most drastically changed. He can now transform into a hideous (and cool looking) bone monster, but his non-transformed state is that of a teenaged girl, living inside the body of an evil warlord. He's a crybaby, whiny, and not very believable until transformed, picture Sailor Moon as Shredder.

Joining the cast is Crys-Mu, an ancient fairy spirit that grants the Turtles Muta Stones, which allows them to become humanoid, steroidal turtles for three minutes at a time. Her nemesis is Dark Mu, an evil spirit who briefly aids Krang.  In the second episode, we also find a gang of ninjas, who used to be Splinter's students before he arrived in America.

The first episode sees Krang trying to blow up the Earth by harnessing magic from Dark Mu, with the intent of eventually going back to Dimension X, while the second episode follows the Turtles to Japan, where the group of four earns Shogun-style armor in a fight against Shredder.

The language fits the scene, but can be unsettling to long-time fans of the show. We're not just talking an occasional "Damn" like Raphael dropped on us in the first live action film. Oooooh no no no no no. We're talking shit, we're talking questionable references, and the popular fansub never added those in, they are in the original script! Nice going Japan, nothing like adult language and a toyline aimed at 5 year olds!

Half of the animation is all gags and humor-based, while the other half of the episodes features stunning, fast paced action scenes. It's a real shame this never made it officially to America, but YouTube is rife with clips of the 90's fansub.

If you can get a chance , give the OVA a try. There's a twinge of nostalgia hidden in this mass of blatant marketing, and it's a must see for original fans of TMNT. Like the cartoons, it has absolutely nothing to do with the comic book, but the campy humor makes up for it.

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    Codename Sailor earth

    Codename Sailor Earth is a lifelong anime and wrestling fan. IRL she is cartoonist Koriander Bullard, formerly Koriander Ake, a happily married Chicagoan. Her favorite anime is Sailor Moon. A baby in the late 80's, the first anime titles she ever saw were Speed Racer, Voltron and Robotech.

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